If I Had A Million Dollars
by TheFantasticLadyMax
Summary: One-shot in which Dick helps Babs celebrate her birthday. The song used is "If I Had A Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies.
" _Happy birthday to you_ ,

" _Happy birthday to you_ ,

" _Happy birthday dear Ba-abs_ ,

" _Happy birthday to you!_ " Dick sang as he emerged from the clock tower's kitchen holding a steaming mug of coffee.

"Aww, you remembered!" Barbara's face lit up as she took the mug from Dick. "You didn't have to bring me," she stopped as she noticed the actual contents of the coffee mug, "slightly tan milk?"

Dick turned red. "I was trying to make it fancy," he explained. "However, I kind of overestimated the size of your coffee mug, and it's like, fifty percent Kahlua. You don't have to drink it, but I thought I'd offer anyway."

"Well, as long as I don't have to drive I'll at least give it a try," she said, patting him awkwardly.

"I think that can be arranged. I just so happen to have a driver's license and an idea of where I should take my girlfriend for a surprise birthday dinner." He bent down and kissed the top of her head. Barbara smiled.

"My hero." She took a swig of coffee. "Um, do you smell something burning?"

"Oh crap!" Dick straightened abruptly. "The coffee cake!"

He took off at a near run back to the kitchen.

"Dick!" Barbara called after him. "Lighting my place of residence on fire is not a good birthday gift!"

"Everything is fine!" he called back, shortly followed by "Ow! Damn!" and the oven door slamming. Barbara snorted over the rim of her coffee.

"You sure you don't need help?"

"It's all good! Just, never leave a hot pad on the stove. It kinda defeats the purpose."

 _Oh dear_.

A few moments later, Dick emerged, two plates of cinnamon-cherry coffee cake in hand. Barbara had to admit it looked and smelled delightful.

"Thank you," she said, "for doing all of this. I wasn't really expecting much and it was a nice surprise."

"Wait just a minute," Dick said, making a gesture with his fork, "I almost forgot the best part. Wait here a sec, I have to run to my car."

He set his plate down on the desk and left out a different door. Barbara took a bite of her breakfast. It was a perfect balance between fluffy and gooey, and the warmth of it spread through her entire body. By the time Dick came back, his acoustic guitar slung over one shoulder, she was halfway through her slice of cake and definitely considering seconds.

"This is really good," she said, pointing at the cake with her fork. "Almost worth having the kitchen burned down for, even."

"You're not gonna let that go, are you?" Dick asked, tuning his guitar.

"Mild teasing now and then is good for you."

"Would you come by the cave next time Damian tries to murder Tim over something arbitrary and tell him that?"

"I think you're on your own with that one."

"Worth a try." He adjusted his guitar strap. "Okay, you ready for this?"

"All of a sudden I'm not sure I want to answer that."

"Too bad, I'm starting anyway."

He started playing a sunny, somewhat familiar guitar riff.

"Wait," Barbara was pretty sure she recognized the song, "you are _not_ singing –"

Dick's grin widened.

" _If I had a million dollars,_ " he sang, " _I'd buy you a house!"_

"Dick, no!" Barbara insisted, but she was smiling.

" _And if I had a million dollars,"_ he started singing both parts,

 _(If I had a million dollars)_

 _I'd buy you furniture for your house!_

 _(Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an ottoman)"_

Barbara was full on giggling now, one hand over her mouth.

Dick sang through the entirety of the song, doing both the voices almost perfectly.

" _If I had a million dollars,_ " he finished, " _I'd be rich!_ "

"Dick!" Barbara said through fits of laughter, "that is the worst thing you've ever done!"

"Hey, don't knock the Barenaked Ladies!" Dick said defensively, on the verge of laughter himself.

"Come here, you!"

Barbara grabbed the front of Dick's t-shirt and pulled him down into a kiss.

"You know," he said once they broke apart, his mouth still almost pressed against hers, "this would be at least seven times sexier if my guitar wasn't pushing into my sternum."

"Oops." Barbara let go of him, and he quickly yanked the guitar strap over his head and set the instrument against the desk.

"Now, where were we?"

Wrapping their arms around each other, Dick and Barbara resumed kissing.


End file.
